If I have put my trust in gold...

I have a magnet on my fridge that says "his eye is on the sparrow." It is one of those metal phrase magnets that you can buy at Christian book stores, and it spans the entire width of the refridgerator. I bought it last year during a particularly difficult time for me where I was having a lot of trouble figuring out how to trust God to take care of me. It made me think of the teaching in Matthew 6:25-34 and of the "birds of the air" that are taken care of by our Heavenly Father, and they do not worry about where their next meal or shelter will come from. Jesus makes the point that if God cares so much about the birds, who are just animals, why wouldn't we expect him to take care of us even better? I like the way this passage is written in the Message:

25 "If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. 

26 Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds. 

27 "Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? 

28 All this time and money wasted on fashion - do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, 

29 but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. 

30 "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never even seen - don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? 

31What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. 

32 People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. 

33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34 "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. 

Matthew 6:25-34 (check it out in the NIV as well, both are quite good and slightly different)

Now, this is a pretty long passage but I couldn't really trim it down at all without losing a lot of the important stuff. There is also a lot to unpack here, and what I am really focusing on now is verses 32-34. In regards to my mom-purse, am I truly giving "my entire attention to what God is doing right now" and not getting "worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow?" Am I trusting God to help me "deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes?"

My answer would have to be a resounding NO. Being an uber Boy Scout means I am relying on myself to provide for my needs and the needs of those around me. I am not trusting that God has my best interest in mind, and I am not trusting that he can and will take care of me. I'm not even trusting that he knows what my needs are. Once again, I know best and God can take a few lessons from me. Just before this passage in Matthew, there is another verse, Matthew 6:21, which says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (NIV) How can I call myself a Christian when I am putting all my faith and hope in my purse to supply my needs? It has become my treasure, and my heart cannot wholeheartedly be in two places at once. If my treasure is my purse, my heart finds its purpose in my purse. That may be one of the saddest sentences I have ever written or said.

So, what is the purpose of the magnet on my fridge? It is supposed to remind me that what Psalm 91 says is true. "'Because he loves me,' says the Lord, 'I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.'" (Psalm 91:14-16) If I love God and trust him to take care of me, he will do that and more. I want to be one that "dwells in the shelter of the Most High" and "will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." (vs 1) I want to say, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." (vs 2) When I got the magnet, I had come to a point in my life where on a larger, philosophical level I was able to actually put more trust in God. I thought I had come a long way until I started realizing that my mom-purse problem meant I still had a long way to go. Now, the magnet is taking on a different meaning for me. It says to me, "Do the sparrows depend on your purse for survival or does God take care of their every need without it? If they can do it, why can't you?"

Uber Boy Scout

When I think back on my life, I can see this tendency to never leave the house unprepared throughout my school years. It really came to a head when I had my first kid, though. The diaper bag was a new wonderland of possibility with all its pockets and zippers, compartments and detachable gear. It had a place for everything a parent would need to make sure they were prepared in any emergency, and I had plenty of emergencies. As the kids grew larger, and the need for a diaper bag became less, they still had emergency needs that needed to be prepared for. This is really when the mom-purse came into play for me.

I was already used to toting large bags around with me everywhere, and since I no longer had to deal with the strollers and diapers, it felt like a much lighter burden to only have the one purse. Now, it would have made sense to stop expecting there to be so many possible emergencies, but I was hooked on having whatever I or anyone might need for themselves or their children within reach inside my gigantic, multi-compartment, zippers-for-days, well-organized mom-purse. I mean, how cool was I that if your kid needed a snack I could pull one out of my magic bag and make everything better? And what about all those first aid needs? Come see me! What if you have a splinter? Feel free to use my tweezers! Hands cracked and dry? I've got several options in lotion available in case you have a preference. Phone out of juice? What type of charger do you need because I've got two basic ones! And external chargers just in case there are no well sockets.

I could go on and on, but I won't because I'm pretty sure you get the picture. I'm like a doomsday prepper for everyday life. I heard a news story once about airplane crashes where some scientific group had studied who survives and who doesn't survive all types of crashes. They found that the people who were most likely to survive were the ones that took the time to consider where the exits are and played out several scenarios where they would need to take action in their minds before the plane even took off. Since these people already had an idea of what they would do in certain situations, they were much more likely to actually take those actions when the scenarios became real-life emergencies. They were not frozen in fear, rather they acted and that action ended up saving their lives.

I can identify with those people. I can say very confidently that I would not only survive a plane crash, I would be able to survive any disaster I may find myself in. While this is a good quality to have, it begs the question: what is it about daily life that qualifies as a disaster I must survive? Because that's how I'm treating it with my bag full of remedies for any eventuality. I have tried to slim down in the past, and have suffered such anxiety over what might happen if I find myself without something "important" that I ended up adding more and more just in case.

The biggest thing I have always had to work on in my relationship with God/Christ/Holy Spirit is trusting him to take care of me and relying on him to guide my life. While I have made great strides in some areas, my mom-purse is the last major hold-out that is holding me back. I recognize that I have been putting all my faith in my purse to provide whatever I need at the moment, and I have been relying on myself to make sure the purse is ready at all times to provide for me. It is all about me and God is nowhere to be seen. I want to change this! My mom-purse is a sad replacement for the true care God is offering me and has proven he gives me.

In the next post, I will have some verses to share in this theme.

This is disgusting...and kind of awesome.

Hi, my name is Beth, and I have a mom-purse.

The other day, I emptied out my purse onto my desk at work to see exactly what kind of monster I had created. I took everything out of each of the separate bags within a bag (except for the contents of my wallet) and assembled them together to make something that very closely resembles a hidden object picture. How many different things can you find? 

The result made me feel both pride and disgust. I was proud that I carry around with me the equivalent of an uber Boy Scout, prepared to assist with any need that may arise. I was digusted that I felt like I couldn't do without any of these things. I also could not believe how many things were actually in my bag. I like to think that I don't like to be cluttered up with stuff in general, but looking at this picture, I feel like I have been lying to myself about that. It makes me feel like an imposter. 

What could I possibly need with so much stuff? Is it all important? Why do I need it with me all the time? What does it say about me that I draw security from having all of this stuff with me whenever I go? Has this mom-purse become for my an idol that replaces God in where I draw my security from? Who and what do I ultimately rely on?

Lenten Discipline Begins!

Lenten Discipline Begins!

This was originally posted on a different blog site on February 11, 2016. After having some techinical difficulties, I have transferred it here. I apologize for the weird timeline.

Last night we had a wonderful Ash Wednesday Service where we learned about spiritual disciplines and what they really mean. I was struck by the teaching that they are not meant to be done separately from one another, rather they should be worked on in conjunction with each other. The three I am speaking of are charitable deeds, prayer, and fasting. You cannot work on one without working on the others. I was also struck by the fact that spiritual disciplines are not punishments to atone for sin. If we need to abstain from sin, we need to completely turn away from it, not just work on getting better at not doing it. The disciplines are meant to bring us into closer relationship with God so we can better shine Christ’s light to the world. What better time to focus on our spiritual disciplines than Lent, when we enter into a period of self-examination in preparation for being the most reflective we can be by the time Christ reveals himself in his death and resurrection? Christ’s light is always bright, and it shines in full force upon us in his actions on the cross.

When we think about fasting at Lent, often we are considering what we can give up that we will miss having that will constantly remind us why we are giving it up. I also tend to choose something that will have the double effect of being healthier for me, i. e. giving up sweets makes me miss sweets and also helps me lose weight. Neither of these reasons is a good one! For me, they both end up being selfish because they both end up keeping me thinking about myself instead of about Christ.

This year I have decided to do something different. I have been convicted that a major part of my life is, in fact, getting in the way of my ability to develop my spiritual disciplines. I am talking about my huge, gigantic, mom-purse. This is not a joke. Over the next few weeks, I will be unpacking this decision, literally, and prayerfully examining my motives and where I want to be in my relationship with Christ. Join me!