Identity Crisis

I have faced my mom-purse head on and have delved deep into my feelings of false security and my trust (or lack thereof) in God. I have purged my false idols and security blankets from my purse and felt the freedom of not having all the answers. Now, I am faced with an issue I did not anticipate: who am I without my mom-purse?

Now, I don't claim to have solved my issues, but I have made some significant headway and come to some good conclusions (conclusions will be laid out in a future post). Along the way, I have come to realize that a lot of who I think I am is wrapped up in this notion of the mom-purse and what it makes me into. I have been calling myself an uber boy scout but secretly in the wildly fantastic recesses of my imagination, I had considered myself somewhat of a superhero. I know that people consider mothers superheroes because we give birth and we juggle so many things and we're awesome, blah, blah, blah, but in general in my life I am not particularly extraordinary. I'm good at lots of things and don't excel at anything. My job is somewhat interesting, but it really doesn't require much prowess to go to work every day and be judged on how close you are to a particular number goal and then get yelled at for not meeting it, even when you are actually above said goal. Waking up every morning doesn't really earn you a gold star in accomplishing life, and while I was a good student, I wasn't at the top of anything. I have always enjoyed playing sports, and while I had a lot of fun, I was never the all-star athlete, and I could never now be at the level I used to be at. I consider myself a highly accomplished middle-roader, which is just fine to be unless you've always dreamed of being a superhero.

A superhero does not have to be someone that dresses up in spandex (ew!) and flies around the city saving babies from terrible villains intent on destroying the world. My brand of superhero is the type of person that makes a difference to those around them in significant ways and is often imitated but never replaced. A superhero is singularly unique individual that you cannot help but be drawn to and want to be around all the time because they are totally awesome! And, of course, every superhero must have an array of gadgets and supplies with which to fight whatever is thrown at them and those around them.

Aha, now you are starting to see why my mom-purse was so important to me. If I were ever going to be a superhero, I was going to be one whose problem-fighting abilities knows no bounds. Kid got a runny nose? Wham! Here's a tissue from my magic bag. Heartburn? I will not only diagnose you, I will also have the means to make you better. Dog nose spot on your glasses? Never fear, Mom-Purse Mom is here...with a special little cloth that will not only clean those glasses, it won't leave lint or smudges and will never scratch the lenses. Can you see how tempting it sounds to be Mom-Purse Mom?

My purse was my identity because I felt like it made me into a superhero. More than that, I felt like it made me different, someone that stood out and had a special purpose. It made me feel special and needed. I have already talked about how I used my giant purse to help me feel secure and basically replaced God with it, and I have realized that I did the same thing on another level: I used my purse to give myself an identity when all I had to do was be content with the identity God had given me.

Easier said than done, right? We learn in Sunday School that the best thing about us is that we have been made in God's image and that we are his children, and that should be enough for us. But how many of us are actually genuinely able to legitimately see that, not to mention really put it into practice? I thought my biggest problem in my faith walk was that I didn't trust God enough to take care of me, and now I realize I haven't even been identifying myself as one of his own. That is a severely crushing blow to a wannabe superhero. 

The cool thing is that through my quest to be a superhero in the eyes of the world, I have completely ignored the fact that I am already a superhero in my own life because of who I am in Christ. All those attributes I listed earlier as being the signs of a superhero, well, guess what? Since I have Christ in me I actually embody all of those and more. He is the one that is the ultimate superhero, and I get to shine his awesomeness out into the world so that others can bask in his greatness. I wanted to be a superhero to this world, and until I cleared away all the clutter, I couldn't see that the superhero of the universe was the one that really matters. 

Does this mean I can be content to be identified as one of God's children and forego any and all recognition or prestige in this world because it ultimately means nothing? That is something I am going to continue to work on, but that I am glad I finally realized is my reality.